Suspect Sasquatch Sequencing

Without publishing any data, a Texas-based forensic company claims to have sequenced the genome of Bigfoot.

By | November 28, 2012

Flickr, Bob DoranWhat has proven harder to spot than a large, hairy, ape-like creature lurking in the woods? Data from a genetics study claiming to have sequenced the elusive Sasquatch. In a press release dated last week (November 24), the Texas-based forensic service DNA Diagnostics, Inc. claims they have “sequenced 20 whole mitochondrial genomes and utilized next generation sequencing to obtain 3 whole nuclear genomes” from hair samples of a Sasquatch, which the company says it has been studying for the past 5 years. The aforementioned data, however, is “currently under peer-review” and under wraps, according to the release.

Despite a dubious dearth of details, the company further claims that Bigfoot is indeed a hairy human hybrid, having mitochondrial DNA—which is inherited from one’s mother—matching Homo sapiens, and both human and non-human nuclear DNA.

“Sasquatch nuclear DNA is incredibly novel and not at all what we had expected,” said veterinarian, DNA Diagnostics, Inc. director, and Bigfoot-enthusiast Melba Ketchum in the press release. “While it has human nuclear DNA within its genome, there are also distinctly non-human, non-archaic hominin, and non-ape sequences. We describe it as a mosaic of human and novel non-human sequence.”

While scientists search for evidence to support the extraordinary claim, Ketchum advises that federal and local officials immediately establish protections for this newly identified indigenous people—just in case any of them finally decide to surface.

“Genetically, the Sasquatch are a human hybrid with unambiguously modern human maternal ancestry,” Ketchum said. “Government at all levels must recognize them as an indigenous people and immediately protect their human and Constitutional rights against those who would see in their physical and cultural differences a ‘license’ to hunt, trap, or kill them.”


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Avatar of: BobD


Posts: 20

November 28, 2012

At last, a legal basis to stop the wholesale hunting and slaughter of all those Sasquatch!  Now we can focus on saving the snipes!    :)

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